Commitment phobic? Wondering how to overcome your fear of commitment?

Does your partner keep telling you that he/she’s not ready to have a serious relationship? Or is that you? You may suffer from fear of commitment...

Try to answer a few questions to find if you have a fear of commitment. Talk to your partner about your answers.

Does it seem like nothing is wrong with your relationship, but when it’s time to take it to a higher level you turn tail and run? Is that your usual pattern? If you want things to change, follow the 8 steps described below.

Fear of commitment

Every relationship is formed by two individuals, who each in his/her own way make their relationship what it is. We choose a partner that suits our unconscious behavioral patterns. Those who suffer from fear of commitment often desire someone they’re afraid to approach for whatever reason. We distinguish between active and passive people. Active people have a great fear of commitment and usually don’t form relationships. Passive people, on the other hand, have a partner who breaks off their relationship. It’s not only the partner that they’re running away from, they often quit their job as well. They feel their life is controlled by fate and not them, and that makes them afraid. Every relationship is too strenuous for them. Today people tend to stay single much longer and devote themselves to their careers. Many don’t even think about settling down till they’re in their late thirties. Of course, we aren’t trying to imply that all single people suffer from commitment phobia, but it probably contributes to the growing number of single people. Often, fear of commitment influences other aspects of people’s lives besides relationships, as they’re unable to make any important decisions.

Do you suffer from fear of commitment?

The best and easiest way to overcome your fear of commitment is to follow the steps described below. Answer the questions, write down your answers and then read them again after a few days.

You shouldn’t yourself “Why”? because you most likely won’t get to the bottom of it. If you knew the answer, you probably wouldn’t be in this mess right now. You can find the answer by asking yourself a different question: “Who or what do I want? What am so I afraid of? Am I afraid of being hurt? What kind of partners do I usually choose? What do they have in common?”2. Read your answers and split them into individual words. Try to make sense of these words and find those that appear most often.

If you’re in a relationship, make a list of your partner’s positive characteristics, the things you like about him/her.

Create sentences starting by “What if”: for instance, “What if I stay in this relationship?”

Compare all your answers, underline the two most important ones and check whether their reasons are well-founded and justified, and a breakup is really the only logical solution.

Think of the relationships in your family when you were still living at home. Try to remember the way you dealt with problems in your family.

If you’re in a relationship, you have to talk to your partner after questioning and clearing up your motives. Explain to your partner what’s wrong, so he/she won’t think that there’s something wrong with them. Talk to your partner about the necessary changes that could help you take the responsibility for whatever the relationship brings.


After you discuss all your concerns and problems, just try to relax and have a nice chat. Don’t let the electric atmosphere take control.